Tuesday, May 13, 2014

A (very) brief update/advice for parents.

Almost done with my MA (FINALLY!!) and quite busy working for the student government. I will be relaunching this blog (after completing a major overhaul) sometime later this summer. Life is grand!!

Wet N Wild Megalast Lipstick is amazing, comes in about 30 different, GORGEOUS shades and is $1.99....

And now, some advice or parents:
#1 STOP EFFING JUDGING EACH OTHER. Not a single one of you has an effing clue what the hell you're doing, regardless of how "experienced" you are, so stop being assholes. And yes, you ARE assholes when you're waspishly looking at the other mom's tummy/bum, or are trying to out-toss the other dads during baseball warm-ups. You act as if you are naturals at parenting, and you're not - no one is. If you wanna be a good parent, observe and listen - and keep your mouth shut.

#2 Stop trying to act like you're going to "ace" parenting - and have some fun. It's not a competition, and your life TRULY should not change as much as you let it change. You don't need to suddenly spend every waking moment waiting for your child to take a dump or feel guilty if you want to go out and get drinks with your girls/boys. You're still an individual, NOT a vessel, slave, or companion. You can still go out and be a normal adult - trust me, the kids will be better for it if you LEAVE THEM THE HELL ALONE!

#3 You won't be able to keep things as clean as you want without seriously messing up your child's emotional/psychological growth, so stop being so neurotic. It truly DOES NOT matter if there are food crumbs on the dining room floor, a few dirty dishes in the sink, and a few toys left out of their box. If the world was coming to an end, where would YOUR priorities be?? Not with the mess.

#4 Seriously about the judging thing - if you spend even one moment thinking that the pregnant woman who is smoking a single cigarette, sipping a single glass of wine, or is exercising more rigorously than your lard-ass is, you're not only ignorant, but are clearly NOT mature enough to have children. The reality is, despite the hyperbolic propaganda fed to us by our medical industry, you CAN actually drink wine/soda/juice/exercise/continue living as an actual human being without giving your kid debilitating birth defects. You can also give birth to a child with debilitating birth defects if you live an extremely healthy lifestyle. SO SERIOUSLY: STOP JUDGING EACH OTHER.

#5 Non-parent friends are just as capable of hanging out with your kids as you are - just stop nagging, worrying, or acting as if children actually change your life, because they don't. Children are just little friends who need a bit of help for a few years. No non-parent actually thinks you're lame if you bring your kids along - In fact, most of them are stoked that they get to hang out with more little friends. Wanna know what IS annoying? Parents who perpetually apologize for their toddler's noisiness (we're not mentally handicapped - we realize that children make noise), act as if their 5 year old has murdered a kitten if they knock over a glass of milk, or storm out of a restaurant, dragging their child along, because that child dared to NOT be an adult. Guess what - adults behave worse than any child ever has. So stop worrying and remember how to be a good friend, both to your peers and your children. Parenthood isn't an excuse to blow off the people in your life.