Saturday, November 19, 2011


Goings on:
I got a pretty bad chemical burn from my friend's hot tub. It hurt the first day, and has been rashy, swollen, itchy and red since then. It's uncomfortable.

It's been snowy up here in The Burg! We had a winter storm warning, which disappointed. Instead of waking up to seven inches I woke up to it being sunny and clear. However, it's continued snowing three nights in a row, and has been very beautiful! I love the snow, it makes this dark world of ours so much brighter!

I made a new friend, but he's arrogant and really just wants to get in my pants. I'm having none of it. I know how to keep young ones in line.

I made another new friend. He's young, ambitious, intelligent, funny, and very cute. Unfortunately, every time I get into a guy I find some raging flaw (or several) and just can't bring myself to really be into him. I blame Aaron. (For those of you who don't know who Aaron is...good for you!).

School and work have settled down a bit, though two weeks ago I had to deliver my first lecture. It was a disaster. It was the worst day of college. My lecture was very good. But it was very short - only half an hour. I'd been prepping for days, but since I'm currently enrolled in Imperial Russian History, I don't know how I was expected to lecture on imperial Russian history for my survey course. Fifteen minutes in I started to panic, because I was already onto my second page of notes. Twenty five minutes in I'd reached the end of my notes and began to lecture on Siberia and the Far East, which took up approximately six minutes. And then I was done. My prof took over without saying anything, and at the end of the class asked me to meet with him. I spent the next two hours sick to my stomach and fighting back tears. I'd messed up so bad. None of the other TA's experienced any problems, and had lectured multiple times. I met with my prof after Russian and was shaking, sweating, and trying not to cry. He was completely supportive, told me I'd done an excellent job, and told me that the only problem was its length. But, since he knew I hadn't yet learned Russian history, it was no big deal at all. In any case, I went back to my office and sobbed for a few minutes before moving on with my day. School and work have been considerably easier since then, but I am pretty confident at this point that I do NOT want to teach, whether I'm prepared or not.

My masters is going well, though as I've already said, this quarter has been very difficult. From here on out it should go better, I won't be taking as many classes, and I know what's expected of me so I can be more prepared. Plus, I feel like this quarter I'm actually LEARNING something. For the last year or two of school I've pretty much just focused on how to get by without doing much work. It's surprisingly easy to do, but that's not the kind of person I am, and it's left me woefully unprepared. Just because I'm good at analysis and CAN get A's without learning anything doesn't mean I should. I'm in school because I like to learn, but for the last few quarters I've just been taking advantage of a crack in the system. If I'm gonna stay in school I'm gonna learn all I can and try to make the most of it.

I'll graduate a year from now, which will cause me some problems. I had intended to start law school in the Fall, but now I'll be forced to wait. That's not a bad thing, of course, except for the part where I'll spend nine months out of school and, in this economy, probably unemployed. However, it'll give me time to relax, maybe go visit some friends and family, and distance myself from school for a little while. I'm not sure if I"ll do a dual Ph.D./J.D. or if I'll do one and then the other. But hopefully some day I'll be finished and can really start a career for myself. Or maybe I'll just get married and have babies. I'll be happy either way.

I had planned to stay in Ellensburg for Thanksgiving, but my family is insisting I come home. Since I haven't been home since April, and I've been missing the kids so much I've been randomly bursting into tears during the day, I caved and said I would allow someone to come and get me. Is'll have to bring Michael with me (no way in hell I'm leaving one of my best friends in Ellensburg BY HIMSELF DURING THE HOLIDAYS!), which means my family will have to behave and keep the drama down, but encouraging good family relations is never a bad thing! I can't wait to see Max and Alora, and to hang out with My Danny! I'm also excited that I won't have to do all the cooking by myself, will be able to get a few clothing-type items hemmed/mended/taken in, will be able to stock up on home made preserves (I've been out of jam for months now, how do I survive?!), etc.

Just a few more weeks before the quarter ends. I'm not sure what the next year will hold. Hopefully some foreign travels, the completion of my degree, and possibly some new affection, but we'll see. For now I'm gonna enjoy the snow and get excited about going home to see my peeps!