Tuesday, October 28, 2008
It's no secret that I have a crush on the Hot Lit Prof who teaches in the classroom before I have econ. I go early every day just to give him the "glad eye" as I walk in. I enjoy watching him because he's 1)attractive and 2)interacts well with his students. Every day there is a group who hang about to discuss something with him. I am attracted to his easy manner and obvious enthusiasm for his subject. Weeks ago I vowed that "the next time I (saw) him" I would say something to him. I was thinking something along the lines of "good morning, Professor" (*Tosses hair*). This never happened, however, as every time I've seen him since he's been surrounded by students and I didn't want to be rude (or grotesquely forward). I have no idea what's going on in this poor man's head, but it can't possibly be good. We alternate between boldness and coyness. A few weeks ago I was looking particularly adorable (intentionally so, to catch his eye) and we passed in the hallway. We both seemed to intentionally look away from the other, though I could tell he was watching me out of the corner of his eye (since I was obviously looking at HIM through the corner of MY eye). Yet the other day I walked into the classroom and made a point of looking directly over at him - his response was to look up directly at me. It's all very confusing. I'm never sure how I should behave. Is it wrong to look at professors like this? The rules of students can't possibly apply to professors and students. He doesn't wear a ring, so I can't be accused of any sort of trollopery, but at the same time...he must be twice my age. He must have rules against dating students (even if he IS interested).
Anyway, this morning I went into the classroom after most of his students left and got situated for class. The lights were off, as the prior class had watched a video, and I stood there awkwardly for some moments after all the other students left. Just me and Hot Prof, standing alone in a dark room. I couldn't bring myself to look up, even though I wanted desperately to say something to break the tension. "Good morning" seemed a viable option, but my nerves (and propriety) got the best of me. Instead, I stood awkwardly until he turned the light on, after which I took my seat. It took him a few moments more to gather his things and put on his coat. I was trying (tryyyyyyying) to sit casually, wanting to look at him but not wanting to risk being caught. Of course as he began to step out of the room I looked up at him .....only to catch him looking at me. I hurriedly looked away, which is what made it all SOOOOOOOOO awkward!!! I instantly bit my tongue to keep from laughing and blushing, and watched him walk away.
I know it seems forward of me to assume he's attracted to me, but come on. This is what I looked like this morning. Who can resist that?
Oh damn..... A gay man, that's who. It's just occurred to me that he's possibly gay.
Posted by V^e at 7:06 PM