Thursday, October 30, 2008

New 100th post

I like to edit my posts.....

Here's a new one. Carisa tagged me, and I'm bored so I'll play along again!

**8 Favorite TV Shows - in no particular order
1. Gilmore Girls
2. Wipeout
3. House
4. The Simpsons
5. How it's Made
6. Boston Legal
7. Law and Order
8. Ninja Warrior


**8 Favorite Restraunts - in no particular order
1. Kobe (Japanese steak house in Stafford, VA - THE most amazing food on the planet, I kid thee not!)
2. Pizza Hut
3. Millcreek Brew Pub - I have only been there once, and I just had a nibble of a mushroom burger, but it was incredible. I HATE mushrooms (I didn't even know what it was that I was eating at the time) but I've been dying to go back and have another.
4. McMinamins (Or something like that) in North Portland. I had this thing called the Sgt. Pepper sandwich - grilled chicken breast with pepperjack cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato, onion, etc. It was so good. I ate the entire thing, plus all my fries.
5. Olive Garden
6. McDonalds - sorry, you can't beat a $.50 cheeseburger.
7. The Mazatlan (Mexican restaurant in Pendleton, Oregon - their fajitas are indescribable. Every time mum and I eat them it's like we're drunk, I'm serious. They are SO good).
8. La Casita (Mexican restaurant in Walla Walla, WA - they have THE BEST pina coladas)


**8 Things that happened yesterday - in order
1. Had an awkward moment with a handsome professor
2. Printed off a reaction paper for history class
3. ate lunch
4. Went to history and handed in my reaction paper
5. Came home to work on my book review for my other history class
6. Talked to my peeps online
7. Did some blogging
8. Finished my rough draft of my review and went to bed!


**8 Things to look forward to - in no particular order
1. Going to class on Monday so I can see the hot lit prof (who doesn't teach class on Fridays)
2. Finishing the rough draft of a story I'm working on so I can send a copy to the hot lit prof
3. Going home for Mum's birthday next weekend
4. Graduating from college
5. Spending the weekend having a Jane Austen marathon, possibly going shopping for some new shoes, and also possibly shopping for ingredients to make pumpkin bars and cream cheese frosting, since my mom decided to be out of town this weekend which means I won't be going home for halloween and had been planning and waiting for pumpking bars but NOOoooooooooooooo she just had to leave....
6. Seeing dad at Thanksgiving
7. Hopefully introducing myself to the hot lit prof
8. Hopefully finding out that the hot lit prof IS, in fact single, and then possibly attempting to date him.


**8 things I love about Fall - in no particular order
1. The crisp air
2. Sweaters
3. Scarves
4. Rainbow leaves falling in the breeze
5. THE FOOOOOOOD
6. The memories of past seasons.
7. The beginning of the build up toward Christmas!
8. The Holidays!


**8 Things on my Wish list - in no particular order
1. Hooded bomber jacket
2. skinny jeans
3. flats that don't blister or fall off my feet
4. digital camera
5. a NICE new computer that doesn't crash on me and has good audio.
6. comfortable, stylish sneakers
7. I am absolutely DYING for cousin Danny to come home from his mission. I keep constantly quoting Alcott: "My Danny's tummin soon!"
8. I actually wouldn't mind finding someone to maybe...have a relationship with. *cough*

Not-So Awkward Moment of the Day, Episode 3

Interesting new development in the Hot Lit Prof situation:

I was so disappointed this morning because I'd wanted to print off a copy of my book review and ask him to read it (which would allow me to introduce myself, break the tension, and give me a few minutes walking down the hall with him) but didn't finish proofing it in time. So I just wandered to class and - much to my surprise, as I left late - I made it to the building early. I was thrilled and waiting anxiously for him to come out (or else for the students to leave so I could go in). Well, he came out this time. There's a large pillar in front of the doorway (screwy architecture in this building), and he has always walked through it nearest the classroom (essentially "away from me" as I'm standing against the wall opposite). But this morning as he left he walked AROUND the pillar, toward me. He was inches away from me, and he kept seriously catching my eye. At one point another student directed his attention away from me, but he kind of.....dragged his gaze away as he turned, know what I mean?

Of course the more I think about it the less certain I am about this whole "glad eye" thing. I think at this point it's almost a challenge for us to look at each other. Neither of us knows what the other is thinking, and it's kind of a test of our mettle to look up when the other is around. HAHA!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Awkward Moment of the Day, Episode 2

Despite yesterdays unfortunate and mortifying "glad eye" experience, I showed up early for econ once again. Though certainly feeling apprehensive, I was determined to carry on. After all, Hot Lit Prof was looking at ME, so it's not like I was the only one to err. I walked into the room (fortunately there were more students along with me) and took my seat. Hot Prof had his back to me as I walked in, which was disappointing, but not as disappointing (and embarrassing) as was the realization that he was INTENTIONALLY keeping his back to me! He put on his jacket and scarf facing the chalkboard, then shifted awkwardly toward the door where he spent 10 seconds rolling up the projector screen (it's mechanic so it's on a switch, etc.) facing the wall. He then side-stepped into the doorway and walked out!

Now, most of you will probably think that it wasn't intentional at all. But it was. I'm on week 7 of school and EVERY morning we have had this exchange......and for him to suddenly and awkwardly shift about with his back toward me is CLEARLY a sign of his mortification and discomfort with yesterdays fiasco. It was so stupid of me to have looked away yesterday, and it was definitely what made the situation awkward. But for HIM to shuffle about for several minutes making sure never to face the classroom..... Now what do I do? Do I pretend like nothing happened? Nothing DID happen except we caught each other looking! At faces! It's not like I looked up and he was checking out my rack, or he looked up while I was staring at his bum! For heaven's sake! We're adults!

(Bollocks!!!)

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Awkward Moment of the Day, Episode 1


It's no secret that I have a crush on the Hot Lit Prof who teaches in the classroom before I have econ. I go early every day just to give him the "glad eye" as I walk in. I enjoy watching him because he's 1)attractive and 2)interacts well with his students. Every day there is a group who hang about to discuss something with him. I am attracted to his easy manner and obvious enthusiasm for his subject. Weeks ago I vowed that "the next time I (saw) him" I would say something to him. I was thinking something along the lines of "good morning, Professor" (*Tosses hair*). This never happened, however, as every time I've seen him since he's been surrounded by students and I didn't want to be rude (or grotesquely forward). I have no idea what's going on in this poor man's head, but it can't possibly be good. We alternate between boldness and coyness. A few weeks ago I was looking particularly adorable (intentionally so, to catch his eye) and we passed in the hallway. We both seemed to intentionally look away from the other, though I could tell he was watching me out of the corner of his eye (since I was obviously looking at HIM through the corner of MY eye). Yet the other day I walked into the classroom and made a point of looking directly over at him - his response was to look up directly at me. It's all very confusing. I'm never sure how I should behave. Is it wrong to look at professors like this? The rules of students can't possibly apply to professors and students. He doesn't wear a ring, so I can't be accused of any sort of trollopery, but at the same time...he must be twice my age. He must have rules against dating students (even if he IS interested).

Anyway, this morning I went into the classroom after most of his students left and got situated for class. The lights were off, as the prior class had watched a video, and I stood there awkwardly for some moments after all the other students left. Just me and Hot Prof, standing alone in a dark room. I couldn't bring myself to look up, even though I wanted desperately to say something to break the tension. "Good morning" seemed a viable option, but my nerves (and propriety) got the best of me. Instead, I stood awkwardly until he turned the light on, after which I took my seat. It took him a few moments more to gather his things and put on his coat. I was trying (tryyyyyyying) to sit casually, wanting to look at him but not wanting to risk being caught. Of course as he began to step out of the room I looked up at him .....only to catch him looking at me. I hurriedly looked away, which is what made it all SOOOOOOOOO awkward!!! I instantly bit my tongue to keep from laughing and blushing, and watched him walk away.


I know it seems forward of me to assume he's attracted to me, but come on. This is what I looked like this morning. Who can resist that?


Oh damn..... A gay man, that's who. It's just occurred to me that he's possibly gay.

(BOLLOCKS!!!!!)

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Shopping




I spent a total of $10 on these three pairs of shoes.

Last night, instead of heading out to a party to get drunk with my peers I watched a movie, talked to my siblings online, and did some online browsing for good deals in town. This morning I woke up at 7 a.m., laid in bed for another hour, then got up and got ready for some shopping.

At 9:06 a.m. I had saved $7.16 on tampons; $10 on ballet flats; $15 on flipflops; $3.99 on toothpaste; and $2.38 on shampoo/conditioner by shopping at Rite Aid. They were having a 2 for $5.00 on OB tampons (the only tampons I use because they're the only ones that work) - normally Rite Aid is the cheapest for these tampons at $4.29 a box. I bought four boxes since they were on sale! I found a pair of white-with-black-polka-dots ballet flats for $5(!!) and two pairs of adorable platform flip-flops with satin sash straps for $2.50 a pair(!!). I also bought Garnier volumizing shampoo and conditioner, which was on sale for 2/$6, and Arm & Hammer toothpaste BOGO. Rite Aid is almost always the least expensive place to buy tampons, cosmetics, and yes, shoes. Even if there regular prices are higher than Walmart, they ALWAYS have good sales (mostly BOGO, which is great). I forgot to check, but usually Rite Aid has the cheapest milk, too (for some reason).

By 9:31 a.m. I saved $14 by shopping at Super 1 foods. They had a sale on bagels (2 bags for $5.00), Tillamook cheese ($1.98 for an 8 oz brick, normally they're $4/8 oz), and spaghetti 4 for $5.00. Grapefraud juice was 2/$4, and Tillamook yogurts were on sale 2/$.88. This was great, because I eat a LOT of cheese and it's great to find it not ridiculously expensive. It used to be a good alternative to beef as far as nutrition goes, but when it's not on sale it's more expensive than beef is!

At 9:43 a.m. I was leaving Safeway with my STEAL on milk (2 for $5.00 - milk up here is normally $3.50 a gallon at the cheapest) and on laundry detergent (2 50 oz jugs of Arm & Hammer 2x concentrate detergent for $5, which would normally have been double le prime). Eggs were a dollar cheaper there as well, so I grabbed a dozen. I saved $8.67 there.

I knew that the best time to shop (especially groceries) would be early on a Saturday morning because no one would be in the stores and no one would be on the roads. It also gave me a chance to be get some navigating in (I had mistaken Albertson's location for Safeway's - but as I went to turn around I found Safeway!), and check out gas prices. $2.64 a gallon!!! It's so great, it means it will be completely inexpensive for me to go home to my mam the next two weekends! I haven't paid under $40 to fill my tank in two years!

In conclusion: It's definitely worth multiple trips to get everything you need. Take your time before you shop, itemize your grocery lists, and KEEP YOUR RECEIPTS! Use them as reference when you go shopping, and check online for good deals each week. Sign up for club cards, (which are usually free) as they will save you a lot (all of my Safeway purchases were on sale with the club card). I saved over $61 this morning by making three stops, all of which were "on the way" from my usual route to Super 1. I even managed to find some things I wasn't expecting to be able to afford.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Pictures.

I look sad. I wasn't, it just worked out that way.

This was a completely unintentional picture, but I love it for some reason!

My hair decided it wanted to be "sleek" today instead of frizzy, so I went with it.

Too bad the hot literature prof wasn't there to see me......

Thursday, October 23, 2008

In Earnest

The last decade was a very tough one for me. I moved several times, dealt with a horrendous family situation which lead to my parents' divorce (to help everyone gauge how hard life was - the divorce was something I celebrated), was alienated for a year by my brother (we're so close we're practically the same person), was cruelly pushed away by my true love (yes, I did just say that), lost several pets, an uncle, and a precious friend. I've battled depression, I've dropped out of college, I've had horrendous fights.

Through all of this I've maintained that life sucks - but I never said life was unfair.

As of today I am officially stating it: Life is unfair.

What's caused this change of opinion? My ridiculously hot history professor. I'm sure anyone reading this laughed out loud at that, but I write in earnest. He's attractive in every sense of the word. In my life there's only been one person who I could not only conceivably marry, but wanted to. He quashed that idea. I've just met the second. He's already married.

(BOLLOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Ouch.

I'm glad that only girls read my blog so that I can post the following:

My boobs are swollen. They're practically under my armpits. I'm actually wearing a bra because it's more comfortable than not wearing one, which is not typical for half-cup Valry. I'm completely falling out of one of my more accommodating bras right now, though. OOOOOOWIIIIIIIE!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Wind.

It's pretty windy up here in the Pacific Northwest. My sophomore year of high school it was so windy one morning that, while I was walking to the school, I was leaning forward at (I kid thee not) approximately 75 degrees and not moving. Four years ago we had a severe freeze. An entire week was hovering at sub-zero temperatures. My dad (the superintendent of the district) canceled three days of school because it was too cold for the students to wait for the buses. The entire northwest was covered in ice so thick, and the wind was so strong, that a section of freeway had to be closed because cars were being blown off an overpass - SLID off the overpass. Even semi-trucks in the parking lots around this area of freeway could be seen gliding several inches at a time. Two years ago a severe wind storm brought down trees in the areas around Portland and Seattle - entire streets saw their trees leveled. Just last winter we had a wind storm so bad that it brought down trees across the northwest. 50 degrees and pouring rain in January, several towns were wiped out by floods and mud slides (FEMA didn't show up, Mike Meyers didn't host a telethon, and Kanye West didn't announce that President Bush hates Oregonians).

But yesterday, after experiencing what I thought was every kind of wind imaginable (cold wind, hard wind, billowing wind, dusty wind, stinky wind, etc.), I was introduced to a new kind of wind: Sticking-Your-Head-Out-A-Speeding-Car-Window Wind. Walking home from class I was heading directly into a rather brisk northerly, which stung my cheeks a bit and made my nose tingle, but which wasn't causing me too much trouble as far as walking goes. However, as I walked a little farther along I started having difficulty breathing. The wind was blowing so hard it was forcing its way through my respiratory system! It was the most bizarre and stupid thing I've possibly ever gone through. The worst part was that I tried to laugh, but the wind was blasting my nose and mouth so hard that I couldn't! I just ended up gasping for breath, being drowned by air. Totally bizarre!

Monday, October 20, 2008

FBI: The Test

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Pee

Anyone ever been woken up in the middle of the night to the scariest unidentifiable voice mail outside of the Scream movies?

Guess that's just me.


I was sound asleep when my phone notified me I'd missed a call - blocked ID. Checked voice mail (half asleep) and it was the most horrifying unidentifiable breathing. I have no idea if it was actually scary or if I was just unnerved by it because I was tired and couldn't make sense of it, but I am not kidding you when I say this is the scariest experience of my life. I've been sitting here for about 15 minutes now trying to calm down but I really want to just cry. I want to call someone but I turned my phone off out of sheer, genuine terror. I have never been so close to peeing myself as I was laying there for the 3 or 4 minutes before I jumped out of bed and flipped on all the lights.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Here It IS!




THIS IS THE HAIRCUT I WANT. Keep in mind that my face is "oval" but thin, and I have a Tyra Banks "fivehead". I think it will look absolutely FABULOUS on me, especially under a cute little 1920's wool hat!


But I still want this one more:
http://awkwardspooning.blogspot.com/2008/09/haircut.html

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Grossest. Thing. Ever.

As I was walking home from econ today I overtook a person on the sidewalk who smelled a bit like B.O. and who was gender-ambiguous. I'd have taken no real notice of this person had they not - as I passed - made a yummy sound at me.













iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiewwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Scalloped Potatoes

I didn't take any pictures because scalloped potatoes all look the same. Delicious.

I have been craving yakisoba, but am doing my best to minimize grocery bills. I had initially wanted scalloped potatoes, but then wanted to make what we call "funeral casserole", aka hashbrown casserole. Unfortunately I was missing a few ingredients, so I had to revert back to finding a good recipe for scalloped potatoes.

I've never made them before - I've always used the boxed kind, which I have to say are delicious, inexpensive, and easy to cook. So here's the recipe I used:

4 cups of thinly sliced potatoes (I used two very small potatoes*).
3 TBS butter
3 TBS flour
1 1/2 cups of Milk**
1 cup grated cheese (Cheddar, but you can use any kind you want in combination)
AND
1/2 cup of extra grated cheese (for topping)
paprika, salt, pepper, onions, etc, etc, - you can season it with anything you want.

1) Slice potatoes (make sure you keep them thin and uniform so that they cook evenly) and grate your cheese.
2) Melt butter, over low heat, and blend in the flour (whisk it quickly to make sure it's smooth).
3) Add cold milk, stirring with whisk, over medium heat. (When this begins to heat up it will thicken instantly to a sort of instant-mashed-potatoes thickness).
4) Add seasoning. (I used garlic salt, Mrs. Dash's seasoning, and about two tablespoons of onion flakes).
5) Reduce heat and add 1 cup of grated cheese. Stir this until everything is smooth.
6) In a well-greased casserole dish (or bread pan, if you don't have a casserole dish), place half of the potato slices on the bottom, pour half of the sauce over them, then repeat.
7) Sprinkle with paprika and top with cheese.

BAKE: 350 for 40 minutes.
(Prep time will take anywhere from 3 - 10 minutes depending on how quickly you slice potatoes without cutting your finger and whether or not you have a cheese grater. Yes, you can imagine how much fun I had preparing this......)

Conclusion: Delicious, cheap.

* You can add an extra potato to the recipe depending on how saucy you like your food, and depending on how much milk you use (see next asterisk).
** I used 1 1/2 cups of milk, as the recipe called for. This makes the potatoes very thick, so if you like yours a bit runny I would increase your milk. Add no more than 2 cups of milk or you'll have potato soup! Also, you will definitely want to add a third small potato if you thin your sauce.

Also, for those with sensitive palates (or rather, sensitive tongues), home made scalloped potatoes will be slightly different from the boxed kind. Because you are using actual cheese, instead of the powdered cheese mix you'd use in the box, the "sauce" will have a different texture. My best description would be "starchy". Not gritty or lumpy, but not quite as smooth as you'd find in the box. I think this would be slightly altered by adding more milk, as it would disperse the starchy feel a bit more. As for the cheese itself - I used colby jack and pepperjack cheeses (minimal of the latter). This would be a great recipe for using sharp cheddar cheese. Keep in mind that adding onion (flakes or fresh) will add sweetness to the recipe, and sharp cheddar would definitely help counteract that sweetness.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Self-Explanatory

This Little Piggy Went To Prada

Being in one of my weird moods this morning, I decided to look at baby gear. Apparently in Britian they call cribs "cots". That was a bit odd to me, and it's difficult to use American English web browsing to search for "baby cots".....

I don't like doing things in excess. Petit Tresor is everyone's favorite baby boutique, and they have fab items which are easily ripped off: an antique silver sleigh crib for $1,000+. It would take a total of $4.00 and 3 hours to paint a cheap crib, let it dry, and have it set up in your nursery.

Along my internet path I stumbled upon a fabulous little site out of London that features an entire section of designer baby clothes. They don't look any different from "non-designer" baby clothes. In fact, most of them had less detail - they were simple plain clothes with Dior signed into the stitching, or Ralph Lauren booties.

This treasure is a baby book called "This Little Piggy Went To Prada."

Does anyone really need to feed their baby using a £45 Armani bottle?

The answer is yes. I want them.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

He Plays Wok and Woll

I've had this video for years and years. I'm undoubtedly violating copyright laws by posting it here, so I will probably take it off in a few days, but everyone should watch it while it's up. It's hilarious!

video

- Also, forgive the mild racism of the title.

Friday, October 10, 2008

HAHA!


This beauty is on an all of the electrical boxes that I pass along my walk to school. I was too embarrassed to take a picture of it earlier, but I left class late today and was pretty much alone this afternoon. I had to stop and get a picture. In case you can't make it out, that large boogery lightning blob has an angry face, and is jabbing the poor break-dancing child.


This is me today! I wish I had a better camera, because the color of my sweater is so pretty!

The Final Countdown

The most epic thing you will see all day.



* DON'T start this if you won't watch it all the way through.

Hollaback Girl

I'm not a Gwen Stafani fan. I never have been. That isn't to say I dislike her or her music. On the contrary. I think she's talented, marketable, and a really good example of a modern woman. She's over-the-top feminine, but takes no sh*t from anyone - including Courtney Love.

In an interview with Seventeen Magazine, everyone's least favorite Rocker Wife called Gwen Stefani a "cheerleader". Stefani's rebuttal? A number-one hit which was nominated for multiple Grammy awards and smashed several airplay records.



So here's to you, Gwen Stefani, for writing this fantastically fun "Eff You!" to Courtney Love!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

!!! UPDATE !!

This just in: History Prof still totally hot.

I did my best today to look adorable and professional and to ACT professional. I'm a student, but I'm nearly 23. I'm a grown woman, a woman of integrity. I don't flirt with married professors. I don't lust after them. I appreciate their hard work, their professionalism, and their contribution to my education. I walked into class today, sat myself in my seat and stared determinedly at my lap so as not to look too eager when The Professor walked in the door. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him, and having been lost in a revelry about my LAST hot professor, was caught off guard in such a way that I was forced to look up.

*breath forced out of lungs*

Just when I think he can't get any hotter..... I genuinely lost my breath when I saw him, and instantly burst out laughing. How absurd is it that life treats me so cruelly? I've got a smokin' bod, solid cooking skills, and a damn-fine sense of humor. I'm smart, I sing, I embroider, I drive cars VERY well, I'm not afraid to get dirty. WHY MUST THE HOT GUYS BE TAKEN?! Is it the fact that I can't control myself around married men? It's not like I'm flirting. Okay, maybe wearing a tight turtleneck sweater and my Ass Pants (I didn't realize how fly my booty was until I bought these pants. I could seriously be a butt model - as long as I'm in these pants. They're magical), and my healed boots isn't exactly NOT flirting. But hey, I could have maybe run into a hot single man on my way to class, right?! And so what if I stare intensely at The Professor? I'm paying attention. I'm a visual learner, and I (seriously) learn best when I keep eye contact with my professors (even the non-hot ones).

Right?


....right?








Fail!

Laugh!

I don't normally read forwards, but my mum sent this to me and I thought I'd share!

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

3. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

4. There are three religious truths:

a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

5. If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

6. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

9. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam.

16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use... Toothpicks?

17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

20. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

21. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

22. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

23. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS"?

Groggy!

My first assignment of the quarter is due today, so naturally I was up late completing it. I pride myself on being able to write a paper in under 45 minutes. In high school I could actually get it down to 15 for a 3-5 page paper, and under an hour for a 10-page. This would have stood true last night, had I not forgotten what a tedious pain in the arse it is to format academic papers! Having spent the last two months out of school (a long time for someone who's been going to school non-stop since April of 2007), and not having had a single writing-intensive class for two quarters, I was already aware of the sluggishness of my mind. Within a few days it started to clear up and by the beginning of this week I was back in top form.

I was very excited to write a book review for my History of the Tropics class, as during the discussion we had of the book I managed to get out several unique points, which seemed to impress my professor (which is good, since he's so hot). However, when I sat down to write the paper I got completely confused. I couldn't even remember how to format my title page! What should have taken me no more than 20 minutes to write from scratch ended up taking me 4+ hours, almost all of which was spent on formatting. I was up much later last night than I normally am, and had to get up early this morning to review my work.

It wasn't all bad, of course. While I would have benefited from starting the paper earlier (entirely my own fault, though I obviously didn't think I would need more than an hour), it's still one of my better-written reviews, and definitely my most scathing. So that I can spend my morning getting ready instead of fiddling with my perfectly adequate assignments, I'm going to post the review for your readin' pleasure. Or displeasure. I'm not one to judge my own work.


The excruciating tedium that was reading Sidney Mintz's “measured, intelligent, ambitious book” (Elliot) is my greatest literary disappointment since Süskind's Das Parfum. As with the latter, Sweetness excelled with thought-provoking, stimulating content but suffered from the inefficient disarray of its execution. By page six of the text I was being forced to regularly re-read paragraphs. By page 45, during a particularly lengthy digression into tea, I was reduced to truly eccentric fits which found me convincing myself (aloud) not to violently fling the text against the nearest wall. At that point I concluded the title of the work should be Sweetness and Power: Dizzying Ruminations and Conspicuously Partial Ramblings by Sydney W. Mintz. Being as much deceived by the glowing reviews of Sweetness and his apparent Eminence the Author Mintz (as cited on the front and back covers, the first leaf, and the acknowledgments page) as I was by the title of the book itself, I had to set aside my severe irritation with Mintz's complete inability to write a proper academic paragraph (let alone think-piece) and force myself to soldier on.
The title of this piece is misleading and contradictory. Throughout the book he emphasizes the difference between sweetness (such as that found in honey and in fruit) and sugar (cane, beat, etc.). The book argues regularly that the place of sugar in modern history is one of dominance. Mintz disproves this by essentially ending his piece with data showing that high-fructose corn syrup is replacing cane sugar in the majority of edible products. Humans have seemingly always liked sweetness (in any form), but while sugar benefited from the human desire to add sweetness to their diets, it is soon to suffer from the affects of improved sugar-substitute technology in the forms of saccharine and corn syrup.
If I were to hand in a paper as poorly organized, contradictory, and as lacking in direction as was Sweetness and Power, I would – at best – receive the minimum passing grade. Mintz has no thesis. He has several. They are all varying in their contrariness and can be found on pages 18, 129, 181, and 207, to name a few. These theses rage from sugar being the “total diet of the poor” (Mintz 129, Burnett 62) which stemmed from the “deep alterations in the lives of working people” (Mintz 181), and which was, apparently, simultaneously both a rarity (Mintz 148) and a fairly common substance (Mintz, Introduction xxv) by the middle of the 17th century in England. The content is original and profound, but the arguments, if they can be referred to as such, too often negate each other, and by the end of the book any arguments he made in favor of his theses have been completely erased by statements made in opposition to them. Appallingly boring and distractingly contrary, if Mintz's work is representative of Ivy League standards then I am greatly comforted by my decision to remain in the public education system.
The organization of this book was the worst I've ever seen. Approximately 212 pages were divided into five chapters. This in and of itself would not present a problem if the content within each chapter was better organized. Had he followed a pattern within each chapter, as opposed to stating one idea, digressing for several dozen pages, then returning to the idea much later, this book would be far easier to follow. Aside from a serious compulsion for digression (for example, pages 108 – 121 are dedicated to a full-on ramble about tea), Mintz also overuses quotes. Pages 74 – 150 (Chapter 3: Consumption) feature 41 quotes in lengths ranging from a few prose (“And yf there shulde excepte by only thynge, It were but sugre, trust to my syninge” (Mintz 82, Salzman 461)) to nearly an entire page of condensed text (page 104 features a 30-line example of a “Galenical” quote, which carries on for an extra line and a eighth onto the next page).
Sweetness also does not include a single graph, despite the overwhelming amount of data Mintz produces. Quoting Brian Murphy, “The harvest of the years 1481-82, 1502, 1520-1521, 1526-29, 1531-32, 1535, 1545, 1549-51, 1555-56, 1562, 1573, 1585-86, 1594-97, 1609, 1612-13, 1621-22, 1630, and 1637” (Mintz 76, Murphy 183) were years of poor agricultural production. That's 18 different sets of harvest years. Are readers expected to memorize this data? That would be a perfectly feasible expectation if page 76 was the only page in the text to include such a list, but it isn't. Page78 continues this discussion with another list of six sets of years, and the entire book features datasets such as these.
Mintz makes regular discussion of sweet-preference as being (socially) divided between the sexes, but makes no mention of, or argument for, the unquestionably large role sweetness (in its physical, olfactory, and metaphorical forms) plays in sexuality. The closest he gets is by way of sexism, referring to Dr. Frederick Slare's mention of sugar making “ladies too fat” (Mintz 106). (Mintz makes light of this reference by failing to discuss it further, and by failing to make any mention of the receding hairlines, ale-guts, and inappropriately displayed body hair of the aging male sex.) He also later adds a brief allusion to a veritable lap dance (Mintz 203) in connection with the consumption of sugar, but these examples are as far as he gets in discussing the impact sweetness had on sexuality.
Mintz never discusses the olfactory power of sweetness. You can experience “sweetness” without ever tasting it. Sweet smells are found in everything from cosmetics (lip gloss, shampoo, hair spray, lotion) to air fresheners. Bath and Body Works' “Warm Vanilla Sugar” is one of the company's most popular fragrances and can be found at any of their stores in multiple media. That aromatic sweetness is powerful is not a new concept; bakeries have benefited from this built-in marketing device for centuries. Most recently, however, it has become one of the most commonly promoted marketing tools for real-estate. In order to make your house seem more home-like, realtors, for sale by owner organizations, and even home-buying magazines recommend baking cookies while potential buyers take their walk-through. The same usage applies to chain hotels, many of which serve fresh-baked cookies. It's not enough to simply produce a warm food – it is a sweet food, and the smell of the sweet food becomes part of the experience.
Also absent is a more detailed discussion of religion. He makes brief reference to Thomas Aquinas who rationalizes the consumption of sugar during religious fasts by categorizing it as a medicine, and therefore not a food (Mintz 99; Lippmann 368). He thoroughly discusses the industrial revolution and capitalism (did sugar create both, or was it the reverse?), yet he says little about the role religion (and by religion I mean The Church of England) played in either the promotion or intervention of the spread of sugar. Was there opposition to its consumption along the lines of moderation and avoiding gluttony? Was its consumption encouraged on the basis of its medical usefulness, or on the potential for greater power that the church might gain by including itself amongst the lengthy list of those involved in the production and sale of sugar? From the extent of Sweetness I could digest, it seems to me that the absence of any such discussion is a vital misstep.
Sweetness and Power: The Place of Sugar in Modern History is a poorly organized, poorly executed amalgamation of the author's ruminations about sugar, sweetness, tea, and slavery. Mintz utilized a comprehensive list of sources, (he has a 12-page bibliography and 32 pages of Notes), and used his own experiences as well. He early tells readers of his experiences “[w]orking in Caribbean societies”(Mintz Introduction xvi), which he used to write this book. In his attempt to impress the world with his conclusions, however, Mintz failed to package his research in an orderly fashion. With a detailed revision and some guidance as to poignancy, Sweetness would undoubtedly be a more popular book, or at least a more easily read book. That having been said, what Mintz does provide is profound, however confusing it might be, and while the book is technically the worst I've ever read, the content is possibly the most enlightening. This book should be required reading for anyone with a sweet tooth.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Grr! Hotness!

My history professor is sickeningly attractive and irritatingly married!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Saturday, October 4, 2008

The Dark Buzz Knight-Year

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1832397

There are so many of these remixes that it's hard to only post this one, but this is easily one of the best. It's probably THE best as far as being a complete remix. Some of the others were funny but I had problems with them. This one is pretty much perfect!

Friday, October 3, 2008

VICT'RY IS (not) MINE!

I have econ daily from 11:00 - 11:50 in room 109 of the Shaw-Smyser building on campus. It's as far away from my apartment as it could possibly be. I leave around 10:35 every morning to get there by about 10:50. I walk at a brisk pace. Even my "chill" walk is still faster than those around me. This is all completely irrelevant, actually, let's move on.
On the first day of classes this term (last Wednesday) I showed up early for my class. As I was entering the room, two males were exiting. One was clearly a student and the other was a rather attractive, well-dressed individual (who is a non-tenured professor). The two started a conversation outside the door. I made no attempts to hide the greed in my face as I watched the latter of the two. I liked the way he dressed, which was casual but clean: a well-pressed button-down shirt over nicely fitted jeans, a messenger bag slung casually across his chest. His hair is rather sandy blonde and a bit mussy, and he has fabulously trendy box-framed glasses which perfectly suit his face. He has a slight build, which I prefer in men, but with definition and angular features. He has beautiful wrists (sorry, I'm a forearm/wrist/hand girl), and lightly tanned skin. He's well-spoken, has a clear, warm voice, and is clearly one of those attractively authoritative people (not the kind that demean and command a room, but rather allow you to look up to them by simply being correct).
This morning I intentionally dressed well, left the apartment early (well, I attempted to, anyway), and force-marched the 9/10 of a mile to my building. In a complete flurry, sweating from the turtleneck/jacket combo, but feeling energized and "brightened by the exercise" I nearly skipped down the hall toward the classroom, ready to wait patiently for him to exit the room so I could flash him a warm and inviting smile. As I neared the doorway, however, my disappointment mounted, as I could clearly see the door was open. I was momentarily hopeful that not all of the class had left, and that the professor was still gathering his things as I walked into the room. I looked expectantly to my left, determined that he should be standing there beside the board. Alas, he was not. Thoroughly disappointed, thoroughly irritated, and thoroughly overheating, I plopped myself dejectedly into my seat at the back of the class, where I spent the next hour looking hopefully up through the windows and at the doorway, inventing in my mind multiple reasons for him to return to the classroom. Perhaps he'd forgotten his pen at the desk? He'd taken a different route to get to his next destination, or had been sent on an errand by his department. No such luck.
And so, dear readers, I resign myself to disappointment. On Monday, when I finally trot off to class, I will undoubtedly be early enough to see him leave the classroom. I will probably be able to catch his eye, or smile at him. But of course he's probably married. If not married, then taken. If not taken, then abides by a strict no-student dating policy. While I flatter myself that I'm a moderately attractive, funny, mature young adult, I am still a student. I'm older by several years than most of my classmates, but I'm not yet 23. He is probably in his mid thirties, probably lives with a girlfriend or a fiancee. Or perhaps, with his mother. *Duhn duhn duuhn*!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Perfume

Warning: Spoilers. Also: Orgies.


Patrick Süskind once wrote a novel called Das Parfum, or Perfume; The Story of a Murderer. My brother alerted me to this novel when I was 15, he having been made aware of it through the Nirvana song Scentless Apprentice (about main character Jean-Baptiste Grenouille). This is the only book I didn't finish all in one go. I've never read a book that I spent more than a week reading. I can read the entire Harry Potter series in under a week. This book, however, was all kinds of tedious! Perhaps some flow was lost in translating it from Süskind's original German. Or perhaps Süskind himself is just not a very flowery writer. Either way, while it only took me a total of about 3 days reading time, I had a 2 or 3 month break in between as, frankly, it just got too boring. Once I finished it, however, I was very pleased. While it isn't the most fun book to read, the story itself is gripping and original. When I heard they were turning the novel into a film I was beyond excited, especially when I saw the casting.

The classically beautiful Rachel Hurd-Wood as Laura Richis, the essential "note" of the Perfume Grenouille creates.

Dustin Hoffman as Giuseppe Baldini, the out-of-fashion perfumer who employs Grenouille, and sends the latter to Grasse to learn how to capture scent.

Alan Rickman plays Antoine Richis, Laure's father who does all he can to protect his beautiful daughter from becoming a victim of Grasse's serial killer.

Along with several other foreign actors whom I've never seen before or since, this cast was absolutely fabulous. The (seemingly obvious) critical piece of casting was that of the lead Grenouille, a murderer with a complete lack of his own odor and an overwhelming ability to identify fragrance. I couldn't possibly have been more pleased with the decision, nor been made more confident in the films success because of the decision. I had never seen nor heard of this actor, and was instantly excited by the prospect of seeing him in action. I was not disappointed. I give thee: Ben Whishaw.

Beautiful.


He possesses a subtlety I've witnessed ONLY in Johnny Depp (a la Edward Scissorhands), an innocence and purity in his presence I've only seen in Gaspard Ulliel, and an intensity of method acting comparable to Christian Bale.


More than anyone else in this movie, he brought this story to life. He plays a beautifully autistic character, clearly both suffering and thriving from a severe case of Asperger's. I cannot emphasize enough how impossible it is not to fall in love with this character.


It takes a talented actor** to not only hold his own, but completely steal an entire film away from the likes of Dustin Hoffman and Alan Rickman. It also takes a ballsy director to use a virtual unknown in a film adaptation of an already virtually unknown story.

This movie is a must-see. It is a profound statement on individuality, on identity, and on love. There is nudity, there is murder, and there is a massive, MASSIVE orgy**.



** I watched Perfume for the second time last night. I read the book, I discussed the book - thoroughly - with those who had read it, and I'd watched the movie - hungrily!. I can HONESTLY say that the film is so pretty, and Ben Whishaw is so absorbing, that I completely forgot about the orgy sequence. For those of you not interested in watching the movie OR reading the book, the orgy is the result of them smelling the perfume Grenouille creates after capturing the scents of the girls he's murdered.

Ode to the Spell Checker

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

Punny!

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A backward poet writes inverse.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
hose who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.

English Language

Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example...If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree! Let's face it — English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop? Enough Already!

Struggles in English...or is that WITH English?

The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

The Subject of Language

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beets.
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

English is Tough Stuff

I got this off of my school's Writing Center webpage, which I was on in order to stalk one of the professors I don't have, but hope to in the coming terms because I have a massive crush on him. Creepy stalkerness aside, this is awesome:

English is Tough Stuff

Dearest creature in creation Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I: Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain. (Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak: Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, Exiles, similes and reviles; Scholar, vicar, and cigar.
Solar, mica, war and far; One, anemone, Balmoral Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind, Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet, Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food, Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad, Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamor And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb, Doll and droll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger, Neither does devour with clangour.
Soul but foul, haunt but aunt, Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger, And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge, Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very, Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth. Job, knob, bosom, transom, oath.
Through the differences seem little, We say actual, but also victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer. Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate; Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, Science, Conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed, People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover, Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable, Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal, Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four. Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area, Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean. Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian, Dandelion and battalion. Sally with ally, yea, ye.
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key. Say aver, but ever, fever, Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary. Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface. Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging. Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear Do not rhyme with here, but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even, Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk, Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation - think of Psyche! Is it paling, stout and spiky?
Won't it make you lose your wits, Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel: Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight, Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough - Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup. My advice is give it up!!!

Another Way To Die

http://www.iwatchstuff.com/2008/10/another_way_to_die_this_bond_m.php

This is the new Bond theme for the new Bond Movie. Unfortunately the title of the movie isn't the same as the title of the song, which I think is pretty cool. No, the title of the movie is "Quantum of Solace". That's a cool enough name...for a best-selling novel you'd find featured most prominently at an airport bookstore.

Growing up, Bond films were part of my film repertoire. My dad is a huge fan of the Bond films, having had only a brief falling out with the franchise during the ludicrous Pierce Brosnan era. While most people were upset with the move toward toehead Daniel Craig, I had seen him in Munich and was therefore whole-heartedly behind the casting decision. That being said, I was also not at all hopeful that the franchise would see any changes, as I believe that Clive Owen is a true-to-life James Bond:


Anyway, I thought the last Bond film was AMAZING. I absolutely LOVED every second of it** and as soon as it was over I watched it again. I have been waiting patiently for the next movie to come out and I know I won't be disappointed. I like the theme song considerably more than the one for the last movie!

**I hated the part where, after Bond and his little Accountant Lady kill that man in the stairwell, Bond comes to the room to find Accountant Lady in the shower, saying "It's like there's blood on my hands that won't come off." You can't use a metaphor when you're being literal! She DID have blood on her hands. And guess what? IT DID COME OFF!! That was literally the only thing in the entire movie that bugged me, because it was just stupid.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Not Interested

Apparently when a man has his pride hurt he resorts to all kinds of irrational nonsense. He will deny everything he ever said or did, refusing to acknowledge his own involvement in any pride-damaging experiences. He will throw insults, turn the blame on others, and will puff himself up with irrelevant and unimpressive accounts of his own masculinity.

Dear Persons,
When someone tells you they are not interested, they mean it. If they flirt, act sexy, have open discussions about marital relations and child-rearing, please know that they are simply being themselves. It has no reflection on their insistence that they are disinterested. A person should not have to become a cold, frigid shell of their distant self simply to avoid hurting another's pride, should that other ignore the repeated phrases of "No, I don't want to date you," "I want a friend, not a lover," and "I am not going to marry you."

If you like/love a person and won't have your feelings dissuaded by their lack of interest, that is fine. Continue to love this person. Be their friend, support them if they ask for it, and live your life the best you can. Understand, however, that your persistence won't change their hearts, that your enthusiasm won't make up for a lack of emotion on their part, and remember that whatever feelings you attribute to their being nice to you are a product of your imagination. Should you forget these things and become disillusioned by your own longing heart, don't resort to throwing tantrums. Insulting a person won't make them love you, it won't make you feel better, and it certainly isn't a good reflection of your character. Only someone truly selfish would get angry at the one they love simply because that one does not love them back.

Thank you.