Sunday, August 17, 2008

Citizens of the World, UNITE Against The Man-Hug

I write this post today as part of a mission to end a trend growing increasingly popular in today's western cultures.

The Man-Hug.

Men everywhere in homophobic/emotionphobic societies have resorted to this most ludicrous show of affection. The man-hug consists of a few key elements added together with great rapidity and occasional variants.

Two men walk toward each other and extend their (most commonly, as the world is right-hand dominant) right hands. Grasping the other's hand as if to complete the traditional business-shake, the two men pull the other in and embrace in a sort of one-armed hug. Occasionally the men might take their left hands, ball them into fists, and hold them to their hearts, as a symbol of love, and lean in toward each other rather than extending the left arm around the other's shoulder.

Not only does this move look absurd, it actually fails in it's obvious goal, that is in minimizing intimacy. Rather than putting their arms wholly around their male friend/relation/acquaintance and simply giving a traditional hug, they hold hands and, due to the mutual-clenched fists bulging in between chests, they pivot around a wider angle, forcing their faces closer together. How men manage not to kiss each other's necks on accident is beyond me.

Now, if men WANTED to show more affection and increase the amount of intimacy in their relationships, this sort of hug would be adorable. It would almost look as if they liked each other so much that a simple handshake wasn't enough - they just HAD to share a hug. But it isn't.

Eastern Bloc men know how it's done. Full-mouth kisses!

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